'"I'm significant!" screamed the dust speck'

I don't know what's wrong with me today. Or last night. I just need this semester to be over with so I can go home. I talked to him last night, and broke a promise. Said I'd tell him if I ever felt like hurtin myself again. As soon as I hung up with him, I started crying and slapped myself for it. But I couldn't exactly call him back, could I? He needed to sleep, and what right have I to impose on that? None. So I went to slee with tears in my eyes an a stinging face, feeling sorry for myself for no good reason. Pathetic. Then this evening, Jill and I were driving around, looking for places she needed to find for a project, I started getting really loopy, in a way that I know from experience signls an onslaught of depression. I get loopy, almost ou f control, realize how fucking ridiculous I am, that I'm not being funny, I'm stupid, nd need to just shut up. Which I did for a bit, but didn't want to let her know anything, so I babbled innanely for a while. At least my english teacher thinks I'm a good writer. That was the highlight of my day.

I'm jus tired. Tired of doing work, tired of being friendly, tired of making concessions (to everyone) tired of being funny, tired of the pretensethat eveything's okay, tired of being me. This isn't a suicide thing, but if it weren't fo the fact that it would hurta lot of people, I'd consider not living anymore. I'm tired of that, too. And I'm being very self-centered right now. Which needs to stop. I'm not important enough to devote ths uch attenion to how pathetic I am. Maye I shoud just do something abou that,not be so fucking pathetic anymore, surprise people by being a decent person for once. You know why I don't? Caus I'm too damn tired to. So I collapse again in self-pity, because "oh poor me, I can't do it, I need to take a break, not deal with things for a while." I actually have to gall to say that I need a break, when there are so many other people, who work so much harder than I do, and they're not bitching. I'm sick of myself, and I'm sick of talking about it. Going now, see if I can kick myself into doing something useful for a change.