We go dancing in he moonlight, the stars are in your eyes

Wow. Definitely a bi-polar week. Yesterday sucked. Very very bad day. On top of being terrified that Matt might not trust me etc etc, there was a bit of a misunderstanding in costume shop, and I think the teacher's mad a tme, but we'll see. I have my mid-term conference with her today at 9 40. My knee was also tweaking out, doing wierd clickythings whenever it moved, like cartilage rubbing or something (apologies to those who are sqeamish about that sort of thing) and it hurt a lot. To stave off overwhelming depression, I listened to Santana. Perfect combination of upbeat and intense. For a bit, the highlight of my day was when I was walking home and this cat walked right up to, let me pet it and eventually sat in my lap, purring. I miss my cat. A short time after that, though, my day became brilliantly good. Jill is the most awesome person next to Matt. She pulled up behind me, asked if anything was the matter (yeah, but nothing unsolvable, it'll be okay) and if I wanted to go to the light focus that night. I decided what the hell, if I went home I'd just mope around and get more and more depressed and disgusted with myself, so I may as well go do something useful. Side note-my mood was also probably linked to the fact that the onlyt hings I'd eaten up to that point (6 45pm) were a handful of m&m's, a 1 inch square piece of chocolate cake and two cups of raspberry tea. So I went with her to Skinner Theatre, where I untangled twine stuff for a good 45 minutes, very meditative and good. Then stopped for a bit and ate some chinese food that she had gone to get. After food I was Roberta's lackey, taking notes and running up to the light board and back down to the floor. For some reason, my knee had almost completely stopped hurting. And I was feeling better by the minute. AT 9 I excused myself (normally I would never leave like that, I pride myself on being extreemly responsible tech-wise, but there were aout 5 people sitting there with nothing to do, and what I was doing was not exactly a specialized skill, so I was able to leave) and went outside to call Matt, who was still where I had been during the day. We talked a bit, then I had to duck out momentarily while Jill drove me home. I was so happy and grateful to her. She had known exactly what to do to cheer me up. This is not the first time this has happened, either.I'm very glad I know her, hope she is able to move into Seattle next year so I'll be able to see her more. I talked to Matt for a while, and bythe end, both of us felt a lot better. It was good (though I hate the word 'good'. It's so neutral and limp, and it's far too broad. We need more words int his language). I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I was a bit shocked (in a good way) and honored when he told me that. With him, being the best human being I know, it's not hard to see why he's by far the best thing that's ever come into my life, but the thought that me, with all my faults and weaknesses (I know that's redundant, shhh) and oddities, ME being the best thing in some one else's life, especially some one like him. I was momentarily amazed and speechless. I love him so much.

I went to bed after that, but not to sleep. For some reason I was (and still am) on a little adrenaline high. I just lay there thinking, planning for today, how I was going to wash the dishes, take a shower, shave, clean up the bedroom, do laundry this evening, work out, etc etc, planning what to write here, and I realized that it was pretty late, and I wasn't really tired. I think I fell asleep at about 2, then woke up a little before five. And didn't go back to sleep. Not even tired, really. So here I am. It's 6 40, I don't have to leave till about 9. I've already washed the dishes and I'm almost done writing here, so I have plenty of time to get most of the other things I had planned for this morning done. Wow. I swear, I'm not on anything, though I'm acting like I've taken a good deal of speed. Oh well. I'm in a good mood, have a feeling it'll hold, so I'm going to go now, get started on the rest of my morning, hope everyone else has a good day as well, even if the sun isn't shining (damn Seattle...)

Oh, by the way, thank you Sillers. I needed that reminder that I wasn't the only one in the world doing stupid things, that it happens and life keeps going. I needed that perspective, thank you.

And now, I go. Exuent.