...if you're hurtin', so am I

Hmmm. I feel stupid. That's part of it. As seems to usually be the case, my cause for anger was assumed. I should have realized that because Matt was at Andrew's house, and I had posted my entry at about 6 30, he had not yet read it. And therefore had no idea that I didn't want Bev to know. I assumed otherwise without thinking. And hurt the one person I really love. So no, I had no right at all to act the way I did. I thought I had ditched the habit of speaking before thinking. Apparently not. I've never felt that execrable in my life. I'm probably using execrable wrong, but it's the strongest, and therefore most appropriate, word. I don't know. I've run out of things to say, feel like I'm just talking in circles and stalling and not getting anywhere, and maybe there's nowhere to go right now, but I should stop wasting the time and energy in repeating myself. I want to be in Berkeley right now. I hate not being able to see him. 17 days. 2 weeks and three days. I can deal. I love him more than enough to wait.