wonderful guys, stupid guys
This is going to be my Macklin entry. He was in the show that I just finished stagemanaging for (Our Country's Good, excellent play)so I got to hang out with him a good deal more than usual. Really love him. He didn't get into McGill, in Canada, where he really wanted to go, so he was planning on going to SF State for a year, then maybe transferring somewhere, but that's way below him. Not that State is s bad school, it's just that, going to SOTA, we're next to State every day, and it doesn't really seem like-I don't know-a shame to go there. That's just my thinking though. Anyway, He's going to audition for Cornish now, where I'm going, so we can rent an apartment together (and Tabitha, cause she needs somewhere to live that's not too expensive). You have no idea how happy I am about that. When I told him I was so happy about it because he's the one person from here that I would really miss (aside from Tracy and Tenaya, but I don't see them all that much anyway. Not to be mean or anything, that's just fact. I will miss them both terribly, though) and he said that that went both ways. He would miss me more than Ruby and Mara and Candace and everyone else. I still can't quite believe that. I'm just a newcomer, they've been around him longer. And he says I'm beautiful. He's gay, so it doesn't mean much, but it does to me. And apparently his mother agrees. She saw me from a distance and asked who I was. I really want to meet his mother, she seems really nice. Sorry, I'm just gushing about Macklin in this entry, but hey, no one's ever going to read these, so whatever. I'm in the lead with Wife points, also. Because I'm Irish, have red hair, can cook potatoes, and am just keen. SO yeah. Love him so much. So happy I have him as a friend, and that I'm so comfortable with him. School would be hell otherwise. Not hell, just disgustingly boring.
Okay, now onto bitching about another male. Alex Bedner. Dickwad. Except that I want him. But he doesn't want a relationship right now. And he doesn't seem to get it. I'll write this out more clearly later, can't right now, but whatever. I hate that I want him, and I hate that he doesn't catch on to things. Then he asked me to go see his brass quintet show sunday. Doesn't understand how not painful, but sort of, that would be. I'd have to see him and be around him without being able to talk to him and touch him the way I'd like to. But he doesn't quite know about that. I need to explain that to him. But I can't. That's not allowed. Tenaya's only comment was that he needs to realize that even if he feels like he doesn't have time for a relationship, he should go for it, because otherwise he'll miss the boat, and he won't know untill it's too late. But how do you get some one to realize that? I don't know. whatever. When I talked to him last night, he said he'd track me down today to see me at least once today. So far, he's walked by me twice without seeing me. Great. I don't know which is worse, that he didn't notice, or that I wanted him to. I don't know. Going to stop writing now, before I disgust myself. I hate that, everything in my life is going fantastically well-except for that. And it's tainting everything else. Whatever.
