Bang your head, wake the dead

I'm watching Footloose and trying to pick color for the co-design. I hate picking color. To me, there are two things that make or break a design- the color, and the cue timings. I'm totally confident in my cueing ability. I'm not the best at it, but I do it well, and quickly, and I generally can get it to do exactly what I had in my head. But color- how do I know I'm not royally fucking myself? Are these the right ones? What will they look like on stage? On these peoples' skin? I suppose this just means that I don't have enough practical experience. Feh. I have one picked. My right sidelight. So, now I have to pick frontlight, the other side, the two backs, the top light, and the two specials. Feh.
Tonight is the last night of running stuff for the dance show. I'm a little sad about that, I really like everyone, all the dancers and the people who work there. I was going to go see a thing there that the general manager of the space, Janusz, is hosting, but it's on tuesday, and Devlin's band is playing then. Of course. I only have two nights free next week, and the two things I want to see just have to be at the same time. There's not much of a contest, I'm going to see Devlin's band, but I'm dissapointed, I really like Janusz, and he's not going to be there today. Oh well. I'll see him monday morning when I drop off my keys.
(I need to start saying "Jump back" more)
Yesterday I took John to the sushi place on St Marks. He approved of it, but said that his place out somewhere or other was still better. He'll take me someday, I suppose. I've been avoiding writing about him, because he has read this, but he's oddly refraining now. I told him once that when I know that people read this, I write differently, I start writing for them. Which is sort of true, but still, I'm surprised that he took that so seriously and appear to respect it so much.
I've avoided writing about him, that's true. It's a weird situation. I have no interest in dating him, for a variety of reasons. But we talk. A lot. And he's read through the entirety of this journal, and we've traded books, and I made him some postcards. We hang out a lot, I make him watch movies (to date- Singin in the Rain, Rent, and Grindhouse, there will be others) The other day he came over to watch Rent, and then we went to see Grindhouse, which I knew that he would love (really, he loves driving, and zombies. It was a pretty safe bet) and then afterwards we drove around. We went to a diner, and I steered us down to Brooklyn to check out when my mom grew up, which was beautiful. It was seriously amazingly pretty and perfect, and I am so mad that we don't still own it. Tragedy. And then we drove. He pulled over and let me drive after a bit. We went way down Long Island, almost out to the lighthouse. I got to practice the thing where I start, put it in first, foot all the way down, shift fast, foot all the way down, shift, etc, up to 5th gear. 0-90 in about 15 seconds. Not that impressive, certainly not the limit of the car, but all sorts of fun for me. Then I drove back through the early morning beginning of rush hour, and got home at 6 am. This is not the first time that's happened. I don't know. I mean, basically, by all outward appearances, we're dating. But, we're not. And I have no interest in it. But I do like the company, and the attention. Am I using him? A little. And I feel a little bad about that. But at the same time, he's very smart. He knows what's going on, and has decided that it's worth it. So I may be using him, but he's not duped at all. But at the same time.. when I forgot my phone up at at the school, two hours away, he drove me up to get it. He got off work at 7 am, I met him there, and we drove up there, and then back, and he dropped me off in the village. Am I stringing him along? I've told him there's no chance. I don't know. It's rather ridiculous.