As life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life, at all

In between sessions now. B is over, C starts monday. I'm doing the same thing I did on my day off, Driving frenziedly down to the bay area, packing more, dumping it at my parents, and driving back. When I went down on my day off, it was such a clusterfuck. I don't use that word much, but here it is an accurate description. Actually, packing and all wasn't, it was getting here that was clusterfucky. I set up some stuff before I leave, (days off are 6pm to 6pm) and so I leave a little late. I grabmy laptop bag and run, hop in my car, get the ipod going, and am feeling good. Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing is the first thing that comes on, and I'm rolling along. I have about a half tank of gas, maybe, and it's really expensive in Laytonville, so I keep going to WIllits. I see 3.16, and 3.19 and being cheap, I hold out for a little less, and then I realize that I have passed Willits. When I get to Ukiah, I rejoice. It's 3.08, but when I pull over, I am hit by the realization that....I do not have my wallet with me. At all. Nor any other form of money. Fuck. I have about a quarter tank left, and there is nothing to do, but turn around. It's about 7 30, I had been planning on being in Berkeley around 9. I've already driven nearly an hour. This sucks. So I go back, driving way too fast. A little after passing WIllits, I'm just about running on empty. By the time I get back to Camp, I am very much empty. I didn't even turn off my car, just parked, jumped out, sprinted to my tent (I knew there was a reason I picked one close to the parking lot! I knew it!) and dashed back. And then paid 3.36 in Laytonville. Which I'd been trying to avoid. And turned a 3 hour drive into a 4 and half one. Anyway. When I got back, it was dance party night, which is hecka supper awesome fun. Some kids complained cause we play a lot of 80's and stuff we want to hear (and that is easy to dance to) and not their music. But there's a lot of music these days that you can't dance to. Or at least I can't. Which really isn't saying much. But whatever. Anyway! It was fun. I'm looking forward to the next one.
I had two days in there with no breaks. We're supposed to take 2 hours to ourselves every day, but one day I got screwed by my willingness to help out, and got sucked into running sound on the stage for rehearsals, and then teaching a trapeze class. The next day, some one totally fucked up my schedule. It was rough. I was pretty pissed, but it was pretty futile. I mean, I lived through it, the scheduling people apologized, I got everything done. I was super exhausted and grouchy, but I could have changed my attitude. I dunno. I hate when you realize that your natural reaction is pointless, and you need to come up with a different way to feel about it. I didn't really, went to bed grouchy. But the next morning I felt a lot better, and I slept through breakfast, and then took a long hot shower and now I'm okay with it all. I'm starting to realize though that being a tipi counselor, training in to teach aerials and running tech is a little too much on my plate. I talked to Jahanarah a little bit, she's going to try to take me out of the tipi next session, which would be great.
The Big Show was yesterday. Saturday. It went fine, I thought. Actually, pretty fabulously smoothly. And then I said goodbye to all the silly girls in my tipi, many hugs were had, I said goodbye too the teenstaff who were all leaving. There's a few that I had been hanging out with, and I will definitely miss. But I extracted promises of letters. I love getting mail.
People Who I Am Only A Few Degrees Of Separation From
Bob Dylan- Seriously. And I knew that Wavy knew him, but now I just found out that his song Girl from the North Country is about Jahanarah. Back when she was Bonnie Beecher. They used to date. My mind just did a flip flop.
Jimi Hendrix- Played at the Gaslight where Wavy worked. ALso at WOodstock. Wavy once got to watch Jimi and Eric Clapton swapping electric licks into the dawn. How fucking cool. There's a lot of other muscician types like that, so I'll skipp them and move to...
Albert Einstein- who Wavy went on walks with when he was 5 or something. Seriously, true story.
The cast of Saturday Night Live- (first, lets just imagine how many people I am less than 6 degrees away from because of this. I love my life). So this one is because I know both Asa and Tony, whose brother/son respectively is Jorma, who is part of the Lonely Island people, who now writes some stuff for them.
The Sicilian- From the Princess Bride. I met him. And a friend of mine did the lighting design for one of his plays.
See, now it feels like I'm bragging instead of remarking on how cool this all is. Which was the original point. Anyway. This house is so big and quiet. My dad will be here soon to help me, and then I pick up Emma and drive back up to camp. Emma who I did circus with forever ago. It's so cool that she's going to be at camp. But I really don't know her well as an adult (she's 19 now) and so I'm protectively worried about her being able to handle it all. I need to chill. She'll be fine. And it will be great (and by great, I mean super genius fantastic oh-my-god I might get some more free time coolio)to have someone else at aerials.
Jah took a really good picture of me on cloudswing. Rather, haning out on it. There is approximately one good picture of me taken a year, and I think this is it.

So that's what the aerial site looks like. Sort of. And that's what I look like. Dirty feet and all.
I sat in the tipi circle and listened to Lyricus and Patch Adams discuss theatre, and social change, and strategies and goals. I love listening to people who have conviction, which these two (and a few others who were in the conversation) definitely have. I have decided (or come to the realization, I don't know which is more accurate) that my role in life is a supporter. When I did trapeze, I liked doubles better, and I was always the base (supporter). In lighting, a lot of the reason I like it is that I am helping transmit/present/bring forth/create/assist/shape some one else's vision. I like teaching better than doing sometimes. And in terms of these politics and these choices to action, I like backing people up. Maybe I'm not brave enough or something to stand out in front myself. Maybe that's what this is. I don't know. But I do know that I like these people, I like the things they talk about, and I want to be some one working with them. But I do not have their strength of conviction, and I do not want to be in charge. Anyway. I have to go take a shower and finish packing.