Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine

I had something that I wanted to talk about here. I'll try to remember it as I ramble. Um. Huh. Well. All trains of thought left my head. I think it's cause this internet connection is really slow, and I spaced out while waiting for it to load. I'm tired. I suppose in a good way. My campers are settling down. And getting cleaner. I thikn it helps that we now make them clean in the morning, before dinner, and at night. My co-counselor is awesome. She and I and the teen staff all have rhyming names. Did I mention that already? Who knows. Point- she's cool, and make me appreciate her more and more every day. Little things. Like the girl scream at bugs and we tell them not to, and one says "but they're all creepy and squidgy and crawly!" to which she replied "so are campers, but we still work with them". I suppose you had to be there, but in the moment, and her tone, it was perfect. Our senses of humor match pretty well. I need a mat. Because I wasn't here for session A, all the mats are gone, and I am sleeping on the ground. And a mat that a camper lent me because I made an announcement asking staff with spare mats to give one up. He's pretty cool. I need to publically thank him about that. This place is all about the public appreciation and love and all. It's good. There are some really fucked up stupid beaurucratic things. Like acts can only have 25 kids in them, and 31 have signed up for the play. ANd no one is relenting on that issue even though it's a collaboration with stilts and probably puppetry. So they have to cut some of the kids. How fucked up is that? In this great sunshiny loving rainbow place where you can do and be anything, you might get cut from the play because there's too many kids? Stupid. Times 12. And tomorrow is All Nations Day, which I have never liked. I see the point of it now (it changes every session, but it's something multi-cultural, or world-awareness or something) but it still bugs me. The plan for tomoorw seems pretty decent, and I get to stay with my tipi, instead of trying to run a station, which is good. Last year for one of the sessions they did Too Much Fun Day instead, and I ran a cracker eating contest table (with a nurse, a good idea). It was awesome. Getting kids to eat 10 crackers in 20 seconds, and open their mouths to see who was closer to finishing was pretty hilarious. But any sort of thing that I know I wouldn't have been interested in as a kid, I can't run. I feel really stupid trying engage kids in it when I feel like they're right.
I don't know. I have my buddies, I'm friendly with just about everyone. But I have no really close friends here. And I actually don't really trust anyone with real information about me. But I yearn to. Constantly. I see everyone else being open and friendly and huggy, and I do it to, but I feel like I'm doing it, not participating in it. I don't know. OH! But I do remember what I wanted to talk about.
Lyricus today in the tipi circle was talking about philosophy and meaning. And what are basic human rights, and how do we come by them, ie why are they rights? and what are rights? So we went through that a while, and then into conciousness, and what is human, what makes a human, what is the meaning of life? Then existentialism and absurdism. It was all too much to relate here (and my hands are really cold) but it was pretty great. And then he left and Robert came on duty, and continued, because we asked him questions. And he started talking about the native american theory/beief about reincarnation, and in between lives you go and sit in a council with 9 generations of elders, and they point out families and situations that you can learn from, and that would be good to be in. So this makes sense so far, people can then be born into these horrendous situations because it's part of their spiritual education to deal with that hardship, learn how to better it if possible etc. But then he said something about 'in the big picture, everything is perfect'. I had to go warm up to work on cloudswing then, so I couldn't discuss this with him, but that's kind taking away responsibility. There is a higher power, a higher plan that we don't know, and it's all just taking care of itself. Now, spiritually, we can still have the obligation to improve both ourselves and the world. But I still have the problem with this that I have with nearly all religions. I want that repsonsibilty. But if I take the other track that I kind of like, which is somewhere along existentialism and absurdism, that life has no meaning, we have created our own meaning, you run into the chaos problem. If life really has no meaning, no point, then it doesn't matter. Why try? And why work towards and standards/expectations that society has? They're false, then. Only have meaning because people have chosen to give these 'morals' meaning. Anyway. I don't know where I was going with this. But I like these kinds of discussions and thinking. It's been missing from my life in general for a while, and I need it. It makes me feel awake, makes me work. More on this later, probably. I really have to go, though, as it's 12 40, and my hands are really really cold now. And tomorrow is going to take a lot of patience and energy.