Here comes the sun

Oh my. So very very much to tell, and I have so very little time. I'm at Camp. It's great. More detail? I'm teaching aerials a lot, 3 trapeze classes today. I am very sore. But it's good. My tipi is nuts. Very messy. 12 year old girls. One I had last year, and she is just as messy and hyper as ever. We're going to work on those. I think I used to be like her. So tonight I'm going to rub her back. I am such a sucker for being touched. I have no idea why. But rub my back in the non-massage, just stroking way, and I am putty. I try not to let people know that. So I'm thinking that might help calm her down at night. We'll see.
Anyway. This place is good for me. I'm happier. I don't really care what I look like, I never use a mirror, I put my hair up in a big loop on the top of my head. I get to act nuts. And no one looks at me funny. Except some kids, and then I get to tease them because they're not being wierd enough. I eat better. I work out more. I like just about everyone.
Patch Adams is here. He talked to us the other night about going on his trips, like to Ecuador and Russia and Peru and Ghana and Afghanistan and Guatemala. I really want to go on one. You go and build clinics and clown and hand out food and it sounds, by all accounts, fabulously worthwhile and rfewarding and a good reminder of how fucking priveledged we all are. BUT. There is my nagging little bit, that says "but what if you go on this trip, and the rest of your life loses its meaning? Like I come back, and just feel like in comparison lighting is silly. Theatre can be revolutionary and peace spreading and in formative and all that, but it isn't all. You work on silly things too. And stupidly, the silly things pay better usually. What do I do about that? I want to go and contribute to this work. But I don't want it to be my life (I feel selfish just for thinking that, already) and I want the rest of my life to have meaning. But if I go, it might throw all of my perspective around, and make my work, my passion, insignificant and selfish." I don't know. Am I wrong to think this? I signed up anyway, for who knows when exactly. And i kind of signed up to punish myself for thinking this way. Is that fucked up? I don't know. But I do know that these clinics need to be built, that this food needs to be given, that clowns need to bring that kind of joy and distraction. So that is Good. And I want to be a part of it. So I will try to keep in mind that my own work is important, and moreover it is important to me, and that makes it worthwhile.
There was a thunderstorm last night, about 20 miles away or so. It was clear overhead, millions of stars like you never see in the city, but over in the west, it was kind of cloudy and there were all sorts of crazy flashes. More lightning than I've ever seen. I had to go to bed, and didn't watch all of it, and it was hard to pull myself away. I love when nature is wild and strong and violent like that. From a distance. But I like feeling more connected to the world. I like being reminded that we just live here. We don't own it. Anyway. I'm going to update really sporadically, but I'll try to as much as I can. To give you an idea- here's my schedule-
8 30- first conch, last chance to get hot cocoa
8 45- second conch, have to get up
breakfast circle till 9, breakfast till 9 30
Tipi cleanup then Morning Reading (various poetry, chapters from Wavy's book, random fact, birthdays of the day etc) and warmups
11- first period of classes
12- second period of classes
1- afternoon announcements, then lunch
1 45-5 45- free time for the kids, classes that we teach, waterslide and lake time, creekwalks, hanging out, etc.Check in with the tipi, then dinner circle with songs and announcements till 6 30, then Dinner, then free time after dinner, then at about 8, evening program which always changes, and goes till 10 or 10 30. Put the kids to bed, which takes a while, then slip out to hang out with adult staff and talk shit until 12 30. Rinse and repeat.
We're supposed to take 2 hours off every day, but sometimes you just get caught up in talking to kids, or teaching a class, or rehearsing for something. There's never enough time. And yet, there's all the time in the world. SO- the point of that is that I have very little internet time, but I will try to update when I can. Like now. But I have to be done now. I should probably go back to the fire circle, some of my campers are performing, and I should see them, unless they've already gone.
The rest of the world just kind of melts away while you're here, and that's kind of a relief and kind of alarming.