All winds, and time. Sand and silence

I will do this. I will finsih school, and I will move to New York, and I will find a solidly good apartment, a two bedroom in Brooklyn at a good price, in a good neighborhood, near a subway. I will find it within a week. I have always gotten the things I wanted when I put all my eggs in one basket, and this is no exception.
I talked to Paul tonight. I was starting to really freak out about moving, and he calmed me down. Also- and this is dependent on many things, and so may not happen, but I really like the idea of it- he is auditioning for a reality tv show centered around pirates. Which is awesome, and he would be perfect for it. And if you get on it, there's something about bringing some one with you, or something along those lines. Anyway, he told me that at the moment, I'm on the top of the list of people he would consider. How fucking cool. I would love that. Go hang out on an island by a pirate ship? Hells yes. I mean, I don't know yet if he will get on it, and he is considering not taking anyone, but it's kind of enough for me to be in the running. He's a good friend. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation (on g-chat, so I have it recorded fortunately) he said something that prompted me to mention that he is one of my favorite people ever. He asked why (and he's one of the few people who ask out of real curiosity, and not mainly vanity) and I replied "Because of your intensity. Because even when you were bummed out about something or other, it was always with this great focus and analyzation, and it was the same level as when you were telling me about shakespeare, or the clash, or anything. And you always have these huge thought out theories about things, and it's so much fun to listen to you, because youre articulate and passionate and engaged. Because I have been watching you for 5 years now, and listening to you, and seeing the patterns that you go through, and seeing you recognize some of them, and hearing your theories evolve, and this latest set of theories seem to be working the best for you, and I'm glad of that, and I'm glad that you still talk to me the same as ever, not really holding back anything, just expounding on life with absolute vigor." It's all very true. He always says things in this grandiose yet totally sincere manner. He's one of those people that I always see kind of gesturing with his cigarette (though I'm not sure that he still smokes). Anyway, it was great talking to him, he reminded me that everything is connected, and everything is as it should be, and if something doesn't happen, it's because I'm not ready for it, because I haven't stopped waiting for something else. And that if I focus my energy on New York, I will do fine. I know the energy thing sounds a little hippy, but it's true. I know this from my past experiences of things falling into place because that was the only thing that I really wanted and I did not get distracted by doubts. And really, every step I've taken since third grade (yes, I'm stretching a little. I guess slightly more accurate would be 10th grade) has led me here. So there is no reason to freak out now. I am obviously in the right place, and that is all I need to know. Not to say that I can just lay back and everything will take care of itself. But in taking steps towards getting this apartment, and finding work, everything will fall into place, and doors will open. And so on that note, I'm going to sleep. So I can get up early and finish school. This is my last week of college. The last 5 days. It feels like time is just slipping through my hands now.