And she could hear the highway breathing

You know what's lame? I feel like a sort of an outcast/nobody likes me or whatever because I am not in other peoples pictures on facebook. Then I remember that I hate having my picture taken, so it makes sense. But still. I feel left out. Stupid, huh?
This evening I spent some time hanging out with Jill and Vanessa while she babysat Raegan and Emily. Vanesse entertained Raegan and I got Emily to stop crying. For a two month old, she's not very happy with life so far. But I held her and bounced her and sang, and she stopped crying, and then she went to sleep for a while. I have to remember all the hippy songs I know so I can sing them to her, to counteract her republican parents. I'm realizing that I'm actually a big fan of babies. They're very straightforward. And it does kind of suck that they don't have words to tell you what's wrong or missing, but it's a pretty simple process of elimination. Raegan- I don't really know what to do with. She's almost 3, and I think my problem is that I think it's really stupid to talk down to kids, but I can't figure out how else to talk to her. I just feel very awkward. I'd rather hold the baby. Which is funny because I worked at a preschool when I was 13 and I remember loving the 3-5 year olds. At the time, I decided that was my favorite age of kids. And it's just now occuring to me that I have worked with kids a lot. There was that job, and then for two summers and some during the year I worked at Head Over Heels at their summer camp, and now I've worked the last two summers at Winnarainbow, and I plan on continuing that for a while. And yet thinking about it, I really don't like the idea of working with kids. it makes me nervous, and I'm worried that I'll totally fuck up, and I have no idea what to say to them. In actuality, I guess I do okay. But wierd that although I am not comfortable with it, I keep getting drawn towards that work.
I can't wait till my show opens. I'm tired of working on it. I think I have silently decided, told for the first time here, and still never out loud, that I want to be an assistant. In general. I like designing, but I like assisting better, and I think I may be better at it. This is hard to admit. I kind of see it as a shame, as a failing. I mean, I know it's not, it's what I'm good at, there's no shame, I still plan on designing smaller stuff etc etc. But the point of all this was to become a designer, right? I hate giving up, even if I'm not giving up, I'm just changing direction slightly. And I still have my argumentative, competitive side that wants to be better than Dante and Beth. And I have to be a designer to do that. But that's really stupid. You know what I mean. Anyway. This show is going fine, though scheduling is frustrating, and something that I wanted to add this weekend that I was told would have to wait till tonight didn't happen tonight, because Mike is stupid. And I'm stupid for not getting on his case to get it done, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to. Roberta said she would put the gobos in his bow, so if she didn't, he needed to call her and make it happen, and if she did, he needed to call me to find out when I wanted to focus them. But he never called me, it didn't get done. And I'm the one who wanted it done, I should have taken care of it. In the outside world, it would not be my job at all. But this is school, and so it is my job to nag other people about their jobs. Stupid. Three days till it opens. I have no interest in going to opening night. I am starting understand why hardly any of my designers stayed that long. I am looking forward to dressing nicely and going out to dinner before hand. But I don't want to see this show again. The script sucks. Not true. Revise- the script is not the best I've ever read. I don't understand why it was written, and I don't understand why we are perorming it now. I don't think it has anything really o say. or else it just doesn't say it very well.
This is a lot longer than I intended. It's a lot later than I meant. Good Night. Peace out. Later, yo. Oh, quick edit/side note/whatever. I moved the timing of a cue, and the stagemanager asked me what the new call on it was. I looked thorugh my script and found the line that it should go on, and said " 'Jesus and his forgiveness'" to which she replied "Awesome. All cues should happen with Jesus and his forgiveness". Okay, maybe you neede to hear it, but it was funny. Also funny- my board op, who is not the brightest fish in barrel, but an okay guy, tried to tell us (this is all over headset during the dress rehearsal) that he was a ladies man (the stagemanager said 'what, in middle school?') and he told us this story about going to this summer camp where he and his friend were the only guys, and there were 54 girls. When asked details, he told us he got with ONE of them. Oh yes, Rhett, you are a smooth, smooth ladies man. Mmm mmm yes.