Hey you, out there on the road

So I smoked today. Two whole clove cigarettes. I do not smoke. Why, then, did I? And why am I discussing it here? Well, why not, for the second part. As for the former, first- a quick history of me and smoking. I've smoked 'other things' a few times, like three times in high school, and a couple times over this past summer. They've had no effect on me that I could tell. I don't know, maybe I'm doing it wrong. So this past summer, at the very end of camp, we went out to this beach and had a big bonfire, and brought beer and everyone was hanging out, and in my reckless happy, mildly tipsy state, I take a couple drags off of other peoples cigarettes. I've always been really paranoid about starting smoking because I think I would get addicted to the oral habit of it and never quit because of that. And I do trapeze and stuff. Smoking=bad for trapeze and stuff. Anyway, two of my good friends this summer were smokers, and I took drags off ot their cigarettes, and was unimpressed. Today, I'm hanging out in the scene shop because I needed to look at the colors they're painting the furniture and stuff like that, and they are tlaking about how props needs an ashtray full of cigarettes and ash, and in my reckless helpfulness, I volunteer to help out. After all, the drags this summer were no big deal. So I sit there, and smoke two of these clove cigarettes, without really inhaling fully, but smoking nonetheless. Never again. It was all well and good, didn't taste that bad, though it did burn my tongue a little. But now, 3 hours later, my chest still feels tight and funny, not too mention that my hair smells. Bad in just about all aspects. But now I know, you know? Now it's not just an abstract, slightly moral way to be.
In other news, I just realized that I'm stupid busy. I have basically a rough plot due in three days. Oh my. I think I am skipping the class that I'm not prepared for tomorrow morning, and working on that. I have to make descisions, which is why I've been procrastinating a bit up till now. I'm scared of commiting to specific ideas and not really being able to change them. Ack. I guess I'll have to get over that real quick-like now, yes? But what if I pick the wrong color? What if my angles look totally different in the space, and they're all wrong? What if I majorly fuck this up? Fucking up is not really an option on this, and being this scared of that is paralyzing me a little. We'll see.